I've been away from my blog for quite some time lately.
Life has gotten extremely busy. The kids tried out a few new sports since I've been able to sit and just think. But Covid has really given me plenty of time for that. Sports are still in full swing. The kids literally have an activity every...single...day. I'm thankful for that, as they both thrive from schedules and people.
I saw a Tik Tok a few weeks ago that left me breathless, sad, bitter, and many things all at once.
It said, "Stop texting first and see how many dead plants you've been watering."
Over the past few years, I've noticed a few friendships weakening. And not from lack of my effort to make plans; sending the first text to catch up, or inviting them to parties and gatherings. Noticing this lack of reciprocation has made me realize that I've been chasing these friendships fervently, with hopes that feelings will be returned. This has left me feeling unworthy, unloved, and unappreciated.
It was then that I quit sending the first text, letting months pass without so much as an "are you alive?" To add insult to injury, these texts did, however, ramp up in January of this year. My mom woke up January 7th, 2022 with what we thought was a cold. Later that evening, her symptoms worsened, and I actually witnessed her have a heart attack while my children heard me and my dad tending to her in the bathroom. The texts from some I'd not heard a peep from in months started up. Which, don't get me wrong, I appreciate, BUT, I'm legit still not going to chase folks down for friendship.
From this period of reflection, I've learned what it feels like to let things go that don't bring me peace.
So, friends, "Stop texting first and see how many dead plants you've been watering." And while you're at it, make sure you water the right ones. The ones who drop food on your doorstep knowing you haven't got the energy to grab the food or be around people right that moment. The friends who come by when you've just woke up and have morning breath, just for a hug and to know you're okay. And be sure that you're giving what you expect to receive in return.
